Friendship has been defined as “a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations,” “a person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side,” and/or, “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.” 

In an ideal world, everyone would hold the characteristics of a devoted friend. However, a majority of our Central Hardin population can agree and attest that this is not always the case. 36% of those surveyed said a friendship of theirs has been terminated due to insecurity, under the terms that an insecure friend is one with a need for constant validation/approval, one with a strong sense of jealousy, and/or one who projects their insecurities onto others.  

What attributes do “bad friends” inhabit? Is there a fine line to be drawn or is it rather subjective?

 The common traits CHHS students and staff listed were untrustworthy, dishonest, peer-pressuring, degrading, combative, inconsiderate, disrespectful, and non-empathetic. However, my favorite response came from sophomore Cade Badstibner.

“Bad at Minecraft.”

All jokes aside, when you don’t bear love for yourself, you will have trouble being compassionate for others. As cliché as that sounds, insecurity causes skepticism when others compliment you, offer advice, express their care, and all that falls in between. This lack of trust implements strain on any relationship. If you are surrounding yourself with those who you cannot trust, you are planting a flower where it cannot bloom. This does not necessarily make you a bad person, but often feels draining to the other parties involved. 

“Sometimes when you have insecure friends, you feel as if it is your responsibility to listen to them downgrade themselves as well as try to talk them out of it,” sophomore Serenity Berry explains, “I was relieved that the friendship ended not only because was it emotionally draining, it was physically and mentally draining as well. I don’t know where I would be today if I continued that friendship.”

In addition to the negative self-talk, insecure friends will also put others down to counter-attack anyone that may bring their insecurities into light first. Usually interpreted as a defensive mechanism, this could be through trying to “one-up” each other and/or being jealous of one another’s accomplishments rather than supportive.

“Sometimes when you have an insecure friend, they want to embarrass you when you are out in public to make themselves look better,” junior Jaylyn Peterson said.

In the grand scheme of things, everyone holds insecurities small or large. Again, this absolutely does not make you a bad person, but if you’re letting it bleed into your relations, it could potentially lead you to be a bad friend. More times than not, you may be unaware you are practicing these coping and defense mechanisms. Rather than compensating for your insecurities by projecting them onto others, make an effort to acknowledge them so you can begin to take the steps to overcome them. This is an issue, but one with solutions. It’s up to you and me alike to better ourselves to create a healthier environment for all parties involved.

On the contrary, the common qualities CHHS students and staff listed for being a “good friend” included being a listener, uplifting, honest, open-minded, reliable, and trustworthy. Emphasized themes were boundaries, mutual respect, and good intentions. If these traits don’t sound familiar and couldn’t be used to describe yourself or your friends, don’t be afraid to have those hard conversations and put yourself first. Being a good friend also includes helping each other through insecurities, as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of your own mental health.

Take it from senior Taylor Major as he says, “The vibes were constantly depressing and it was affecting my mentality. So while I would’ve liked being friends, I feel much better without the negative atmosphere.”

If this is something that you would like more advice on, submit questions to our digital advice column (click here) or drop a note in the advice box between Mr. Sisk’s (110) and Mrs. Sherrard’s (112) rooms.