In three weeks, I get my permit. I’m almost sixteen, a sophomore. This is the age I’ve always dreamed of being. Yet, now that I’m here, I wish I was the girl that’s in the pictures and the stories that my family tells. I wish I were the girl pretending to drive in the backseat because I couldn’t wait to be where I am now.
But soon I’ll be sixteen. It’s just now hitting me that there’s no way I can go back. Back to the girl I was before my siblings were born and I worried about grades. Back before COVID and before I took the ACT.
I hate growing up. I hate knowing one day soon I’ll be applying for colleges, moving out, paying my bills, losing time for my friends, and becoming a real adult. I hate that being on a playground doesn’t bring me as much joy as it used to. I hate losing friends and I hate that I have three tests this week.
I miss so much about being younger.
I miss having family vacations in my Memaw’s Excursion where we’d listen to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack and laugh. I miss not knowing that one day those times would stop.
I miss seeing my cousins – who I owe so much to – growing up without me, having kids, and getting married. And while I don’t wish to grow up faster or for them to stop their lives, I just wish we were all still living at my grandparent’s house, playing in the backyard. I miss my aunts and uncles dragging them to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because without doing so, they don’t show up.
I miss things being simpler than they are today.
Things are so complicated now. The world doesn’t even feel the same. Two kids I’ve always known are in jail now due to the stupid things they have done. Two kids with cancer. Too many kids to count with kids of their own. Are we not still in high school? Are we not kids ourselves anymore? Why do we have the weight of the world on our shoulders? Why are we being treated like adults, why are we acting like adults when we really are just kids?
In three weeks I get my permit. I’m almost sixteen and I am just now realizing I’ll never go back to being the little girl in the treasured pictures and sacred memories. I’m the age I’ve always wanted to be…
Amanda Hicks • Sep 12, 2024 at 1:09 pm
Well-written article CiCi! To open up and give the public just a GLIMPSE into YOUR world – a girl who feels things so richly, so intense that it can be overbearing. Channel this God-given strength and use it for the better good. Many teens don’t even take the time to recognize how fast their world is spinning, who they are, and where they are going, but that is where you are different. You are trying to hang on to your childhood with clenched fists while it is slowly seeping through your fingers like sand. You had a wonderful childhood and I am blessed to be a part of your world. You were always a cautious and sweet child – and you are growing into a responsible and sensible young adult. Your childhood helps shape who you are growing up to be. As a parent, we try to help steer you and guide you, lead you, and train you in the right direction. You are now getting to the age where parents, grandparents, and guardians have to take a seat and put the wheel solely in your hands – and that can be scary for both the teen and parents, but also very normal and part of growing up. Don’t worry though, such change happens gradually, and no matter what – you will have people to love you and support you from your childhood, teenage years, and forever into adulthood. Keep on keeping on my sweet girl! Love you so much, CiCi!
Jas • Sep 4, 2024 at 12:59 pm
This writing is great! There is so much emotion in this writing! But I disagree that it’s the end of being young. It’s only the end if you let it end! You may look old, but let your spirit always be young! There is more responsibility, yes, but you don’t have to let it take over! My childhood has mostly been taken over by bad parenting and guilt but now I’ve gained my confidence back and no one can stop me because I won’t let them! I might feel different when I’m a senior but right not, don’t take this time for granted! Let the fun begin! Bruin up Bruin Nation!
Aleah • Aug 30, 2024 at 10:34 am
Cici, you are such an amazing writer. You are going to go so far in this world & have so much to look forward to. Demi and I are so blessed to have you in our life’s!
Crystal Hill • Aug 29, 2024 at 7:26 pm
Loved reading this. Well written, makes me want to pick up my pen and paper again. Nothing like capturing an audience through words from the heart and soul.
Houston • Aug 29, 2024 at 5:43 pm
Proud of you! Love you, Always!
April Hilse • Aug 29, 2024 at 5:43 pm
So proud of you, and just so you know I owe a lot to you. Without that little girl that I still see when I look at you, I would’ve never convinced your Uncle Jamey to have kids. But you….you stole his heart, and made him want a little chubby baby to call his own. I love that you have all those memories from your childhood. I am looking forward to seeing the young adult woman you become. This opinion piece was straight from your heart, and it was so good.
Adcock Sheila • Aug 29, 2024 at 5:35 pm
Cici, you’re a thoughtful, articulate writer. You should be pleased with this piece. The best writing comes from focusing on what we know best. Your transparency serves you well. Congrats on an outstanding essay.
Chase Hicks • Aug 29, 2024 at 5:05 pm
Proud of you Cici! Great job ❤️
DEACON HICKS • Aug 29, 2024 at 4:37 pm
Cici, you are the best writer and sister in the world,
love you, DEACON
April • Aug 29, 2024 at 5:45 pm
Proud of you too, D