When walking through the halls of Central Hardin, I (and by I mean literally everyone) have noticed the number of couples gnawing on each other’s faces in the hallway. And in the cafeteria… And in the parking lot…And in the gym…sometimes while they are three feet away from another human specimen. To which I speak on said specimen’s part when I say, “Congratulations. You can kiss. Now get out of my freaking way.”

Now in terms of modern day psychology, I have tried to understand why couples tend to make out in our halls. And the only conclusion I have come to is that they are hungry, so they must resort to eating the other person. Which is what we call cannibalism. And as Willy Wonka once said, ¨it is frowned upon in most countries.¨ Especially this one. So to the poor unfortunate souls who eat each other in the hallway, I have a list of things you can do to prevent this.

1. Eat breakfast.
2. Eat lunch. 
3. Eat dinner.
4. Do it all again.

Easy peasy!

Something people may not know, is that I have actually been called out by someone for NOT making out in the hallway. Long story short…I completely shut that down (in a friendly manner of course.) I simply said to the person, “Listen, I know you find it so cute and adorable to kiss all over your significant other at school, but I really freaking don’t. I would rather come to school and focus on my future dreams and goals, than make out with someone I’ve known for four seconds. I want people to look back on me after graduation and see how hard I worked, not how I couldn’t keep my hands to myself.” I think they got the message.

I feel like it is now important that I address what is okay here at school. Holding hands is fine as long as you are not taking up the ENTIRE HALLWAY when walking, and a short lived hug would suffice. And we here at The Central Times really support talking. We love when couples just talk. To put it in simple terms for some people, it’s when you move your mouth and vocal chords to have a conversation with someone without actually ever putting your mouth on them. Try it out. I think you’ll like it.

Now I don’t want any of you students thinking that I am dismissing the idea of having a partner. I love that for you. I think that’s great. On periodt. Just please take a chill pill the size of Mount Everest.

Hope is not lost though! For those who have taken the forbidden path, there is room to turn back around! I am not saying you have to break up with your significant other, just if you’re hungry, eat a snack. If you’re lonely, ask for a pat on the back. And if you’re bored, just get to freaking class.